I talk with executives and business owners all the time who want something fixed. "I've got an issue with my team, Dustin." "Dustin, I don't get along with my COO." "I don't know why the team won't just do it the way I told them to, Dustin." I had these exact conversations last week with three different executives—the same storyline and the same frustrated energy.

You Might Be the Solution

And the solution? It’s simple: you are the solution. You’re the reason for the issues with your team and the conflict with your COO. You’re also why they don’t do things the way you’ve told them—even after you’ve repeated yourself 50 times. I know that’s hard to hear, but let’s face it: you probably already knew it. Usually, we’re the reason things feel stuck. It’s not necessarily how you’re saying it, nor is it because your team is untrustworthy. It’s because you’re not asking for real feedback—and when you get it, you’re not acting on it.

Why Feedback Matters

Now, I get it. I hate change, too. Especially the kind that wasn't my idea and only requires something from me (and not from anyone else). But that's exactly what this is: true leadership—showing your team what matters most. John Maxwell says your leadership ability is the lid on your organization. The next step is to dig into how feedback plays a role in that. From research, we know that feedback is the key that unlocks the lid.

When Leaders Don’t Hear the Truth

Here's the problem: most of us walk around like the Emperor with no clothes and wonder why nobody says anything. Most leaders don't have enough people around them with the courage to say what needs to be said. And when they do, the leader doesn't always listen. Look, I'm guilty of this as well. Sometimes I hesitate to ask for feedback because I already know what's broken. It's like avoiding the dentist when your tooth hurts; you know what they're going to tell you, but hearing it out loud makes it real.

Silence Sends a Message

I'm working with two leaders right now who got honest feedback from their teams. Their first instinct? Sit on it. Read it again. Think about it. Maybe stew in it for another week. But their first instinct wasn’t to act. Let me be clear: I've never seen a leader crushed by too much honest feedback. However, I have seen a lot of damage done by a leader's silence and hesitation. Sitting on feedback sends a message: “What you said doesn't matter.”

This creates a culture where truth-telling becomes dangerous at worst or a giant waste of time at best. Most leaders don't parade around the office naked in their ‘new clothes’ (thankfully), but we've all watched someone act like everything's peachy when the whole team is exchanging those "Are you seeing this?" glances. You know that meeting where everyone's nodding but their eyes are screaming, "This is never going to work"? That's your feedback, delivered in surround sound silence.

Build a Culture of Honest Feedback

Have you created a culture where it's safe to tell the truth? If not, you haven't built rhythms for people to do that freely. Feedback doesn't just happen. You have to design for it. First, be specific about the feedback you're looking for: “I am looking to get better at communicating last-minute changes.” Tell them why it matters and what the benefits would be for you and the whole team if you improved in this area. Then ask regularly. Second, ask for perspective. That helps people relax—they're not on the hook to be "right." Third, give space. Don't expect something on the spot. Give them a heads-up a day before. A lot of people, when staring down the barrel of giving feedback to the boss, would rather do anything else.

The Feedback You Need to Revisit

Here's the hard truth: if you're not getting feedback, it's not because there's nothing to say. It's because you've trained people not to say it. So this week, think about one piece of feedback you've buried. What conversation do you need to reopen? Your team—and your family, because this works in your personal life as well—are watching, hoping you'll do something with what they've given you.